I like dropping James off at preschool, first, before heading to Hope’s School. I get special time with Hope that way. This particular day was just like the other days. We’d stopped at the door & made sure we had a packed lunch, 2 water bottles, & her backpack.

We dropped off James. He held onto my leg a little bit longer at the door to his classroom. I cherish that lingering leg cling, as I know James won’t always do that. I love our final hug, when he wraps both arms around my neck & squeezes. It melts my whole heart.

I hopped back in the car to find Hope doodling with her dry erase marker & phonics workbook. She was sounding out the words using her arm just like she was taught in class. I love watching her learn & grow as the Kinder year progresses. Sometimes I forget she’s 5. She’s so wise.

We park under the trees, as today we had time to walk leisurely to the gate. There are days we don’t have the extra minutes to be leisure. It’s a gift. We hold hands & the sun shines brightly. Hopes’ friends greet her long before we reach the gate, through the fence, as she walks along the sidewalk. It makes me smile.

We get to the gate & kiss. This is my 2nd favorite part of our departure ritual.

You see we have this ritual. Hope goes through the gate, alone, as I am not allowed  past the gate, per safety issue. Then, Hope places her backpack by her classroom door & then I get to watch her bee bop to me, her blonde locks bouncing up & down & that smile, that smile melts my whole entire heart.

Hope meets me at the baby blue fence & we kiss, one last time, through the bars. I feel myself getting a little choked up because I’m not sure if that kiss is for Hope or me. It’s this beautiful thing Hope & I have.

Hope came right up to the fence, this day, but she had tears in her big blue doll eyes.

I asked a couple times what was wrong & she did that thing where she tried not to cry & I could feel my heartstrings being pulled a bit.

I knelt down to the ground & got really close to the fence.

“Do you want me to come to the gate & hug you?”

She shook her head as if trying to shake off the sadness.

“What is it, Baby?”

Finally, after a bit of probing, she let it out.

“I forgot my library book & my homework books & today is the day we go to library & the day my teacher swaps out my homework books.”

She drops her head. Shame ensues.

“Oh, baby, it was an accident. I forget stuff all the time.”

“Mom, it’s embarrassing. I don’t have my books!!!”

She drops her head again. I know the bell is going to ring in one minute… & then, I can’t fix this.

“Baby, I’m certain Mrs. Ritt  has forgotten things before. What does it mean that you forgot the books?”

“It just means I forgot the books.”

It took me years to learn this lesson, as I used to attach shame to my mistakes. I will not have my children following in my shame shit storm ways, as it makes for a very shitty way of life. Facts… just facts.

Yes, that’s right. You see we beat ourselves up for silly reasons. Forgetting books means you forgot the books. It doesn’t mean you are dumb or forgetful or unintelligent or irresponsible, it just means you forgot the books.

As parents, we have this beautiful opportunity to teach our children to face facts & not create stories about what these facts must mean or not mean.

For example, if you are late to school,  & happened to get a tardy slip… what does that mean?

It means you were late & received a tardy slip. It does not mean you are irresponsible, lazy, or are bad at time management. You being late means you were late and received a tardy slip.  & that is all there is to it.

I told Hope I’d run home and retrieve her books. I added that we should do our best to try better next time to remember every Tuesday is book return day.

I kissed her & her entourage came running over as she wiped away her tears. The bell rang, she stopped, put her hands on her knees,  & waited, just as she was supposed to.

Even the most studious of students make mistakes. We shall use these mistakes as learning opportunities, not shame shit storms. It’s vital that we teach our children & show them the way, because these little people will become big people & become our very future.

I retrieved the books & turned them into the office in the nick of time. & when I scooped Hope, she smiled when she showed me her new Barbie library book & made sure to show me her new homework books.

Forgetting something does not equal irresponsibility, it just means you forgot something.

Remember to apply this to yourself as well. Give yourself grace. Be kind  & generous to yourself, too. You are human & we all make mistakes. Allow mistakes to be teaching tools & teaching opportunities, not shame shit storms!