What Are You Afraid Of?

I’m afraid, deathly afraid, of not being liked. The thought of someone not liking me makes me cringe. I start to search through myself for what I possibly must have done or said to have made that person not like me.

The truth is, maybe they just don’t like me because they just don’t like me. & that is ok, but it still scares me.

My daughter, she’s afraid of Joker. It all started innocently enough. Brian showed her a video and since that day, a week or so ago, she brings up the Joker when it’s time to go to bed.

Two days ago was the worst. We put her to bed as usual and post cuddle time, she looked right at me and said, “Is Joker real, mom?”

I rolled my eyes because we’ve been asked this question one hundred and one times. “No, doll, he’s not real. He’s a character that someone made up to entertain people, to cause a reaction.”

“But I’m scared.”

“I’m sorry, doll, what can mom do to make you less scared?”

“Turn on the bathroom light.”

I did just that after hugging and kissing Hope and tucking her in oh so tight so that Joker could not get those stinky toes of hers.

Moments later, Hope appeared in our room. She pulled herself up onto our bed and said she was scared. We reiterated that Joker was not real and that he is a made up character from someone’s imagination.

She began to tell us that the kids at school play Joker and Batman and that it scares her. I mentioned that she had other choices and other people to play with. She could hula hoop, play with sidewalk chalk, play on the swings, play kitchen, and more. She mentioned that she does, but that the kids playing such characters still freak her out.

I mentioned I had a special spray that Joker does not like. I suggested going  into her room and spraying it, then she could come in when she was ready.

“Mom, is that real?

“No, but Joker does not like the smell of Sweet Pea body spray. It will keep you safe.”

Post spraying her room, Hope climbed back into bed and I asked her what she could see in her room. This is a very successful strategy for those suffering from anxiety, as it takes them out of their heads and into their physical space.

“Pretty crosses, light purple walls, rainbows, baby pink curtains, rainbows, & HOPE letters on the wall.

“Joker does not like anything light in color, he likes dark, smelly, wet, and gray things that are stinky & sticky.”

I continued, “Do those things exist here?”

“No.”

“Mommy and daddy chose the light purple for your room to make you smile and to make you happy. Joker does not like joy or love or light or anything that smells good.”

“He doesn’t?”

“No.”

“& guess what? God sends His guardian angels to watch over you as you sleep, to keep you safe and sound and they help you have pleasant dreams about unicorns and rainbows and hearts and all things happy. The angels surround our house, too, to keep us safe and sound and out of harms way.”

“Really?”

I mentioned, again, Joker not liking the smell of Sweet Pea, the lightness of Hope’s room, the delicacy of her light pink curtains, rainbows, or hearts.

“Focus on what is really in front of you Hope. Do you see Joker?”

“No.”

“That is because he does not exist. Tell me what you see, again.”

“Soft unicorns, princess sheets, warm blankets, a light green couch, a flameless candle, pink heart lights, & a nightlight.”

“Joker does not like happy things, joyful things, light things, or things that smell good. You are safe and sound. We are right across the hall if you need anything.”

I kissed her soft cheeks and I walked away saying a little prayer that the good Lord would allow my sweet girl to get some much-needed rest.

It was close to 10 p.m. and I was out of solutions. I’d used everything in my bag of tricks.

It got me thinking about being afraid. How many of us are afraid of things that are not even visible?

Guilty, I am afraid of not being liked. But, the truth is, I can’t control what others think or feel about me. I can be me and they can be them and they can feel what it is they feel. I can only control myself and my reaction to others.

It is important to remember that all we can do and be is our best, and if that is not what someone prefers or likes, than so be it. We can’t stop being true to ourselves because of what someone else thinks.

Perhaps the greatest tragedy in the whole wide world would be to stop being our true selves in order  to be liked by another because that would mean we had decided that we weren’t good enough as we were.

You are a gift to the world and we have to continue to be who we were created to be. We are called to be kind and to be an extension of the good Lord. & I can’t think of a single better way to be.

As for Hope, she finally fell asleep. Then, in the wee hours of the night, I felt a little warmth next to me and I have to say that I sort a like when she climbs in our bed. There will come a time when she will not want to be near us at all. So, for the time being, I’ll cherish the moments of cuddling and snuggling as long as I possibly can.