Terrence

Terrence stood at the corner of Thomas & Scottsdale Road. Each & everytime, it seemed, when we would visit McDonald’s, he’d be there panhandling with a different sign. His face was that of defeat & sadness. He’d pace back & forth & back & forth, as if thinking of what the next steps would be for his life.

I’d donated to him before, but this particular time he held a sign that read, “I’m broke & I need a Christmas.”

I made my way through the drive thru. I felt bummed that I did not have cash to give him. I asked for cash back with no luck.

“That would be kind to give that man money.” James mentioned from the backseat. I smiled at his sweet little voice.

“It would, Buddy.”

We made our way through the drive thru. We chatted about what we should do. We drove to an ATM & withdrew some cash.

We went back & there was Terrence, a frown upon his face, walking back & forth & back & forth, with his sign. I pulled a U turn & pulled up next to Terrence. I rolled down the passenger side window. As he approached my car, both kids said, “HI!!!!” Terrence smiled brightly. I’d never ever seen him smile before. I handed him cash & wished him well. He looked surprised when I asked him if he had children.

I wondered how many other passer bys had taken the time to recognize him as a human being with a heart & soul, rather than a sign -holding -pan -handler. When I asked him how many children he had, he hesitated & mentioned his grand children, 1st, & mentioned having 4 sons. He stuttered through it. I’m not sure if he was telling the truth or not. I wondered if he was going to use the money for Christmas or something else. Or maybe, just maybe, he had a stuttering problem or was simply caught off guard by my interest. I guess we will never ever know.

The light was green & we had to pull away. I found myself wondering more about him. Wanted to hear his story, where he was from & how he ended up homeless.

As I rolled up the window, James asked, “Why does he walk back & forth all day long?”

James continued, “Mom, he needs ornaments for his tree.”

“James, he does not have a tree. He does not have a home, doll.”

Hope added, “Can you imagine not having a bed to sleep in, food in your belly, having to sleep on the street/ on the hard sidewalk?”

I wondered why it’d taken him so long to answer the questions, he sort a stuttered through, & he seemed to scramble for answers. It made me wonder if he was using the money for his kid’s Christmas or for drugs or for booze.

Then, I realized, the answers to my questions truly did not matter. The spirit of giving does matter. Giving from the heart does matter. Christmas is about giving.

We give when we are asked & when we are not asked. We give when we can, what we can, where we can. We give without expectation.

& so, as Christmas quickly approaches, I encourage you to look for ways to bless those that need help. It is not the amount in which we give, but rather the intention from within our hearts that matters most, the spirit of giving is what counts. Give from your heart & know that every act of kindness, matters, counts, & absolutely positively makes a difference on the planet.

I’m sure we’ll see Terrence, again. I can’t save him, but that smile that appeared momentarily & unexpectedly on his face, made my whole day.

That small amount of money will not buy him a home, an x mas tree, a bed, or a warm coat, but it provided him with a hot meal.

We aren’t called to save or fix, but we called to do our part. Our part is enough. Our part is always good enough.

May this holiday season bring you joy, warmth, peace, love, & hope. May this season, & those to come, instill & bring forth a spirit of giving, without expectations, hesitations, or judgments.

From my heart to yours, Happy Holidays & Happy New Year!