Moms are Superheroes

I laid next to James, as I do every single night, & he placed his Paw Patrol bedspread over my legs, too. James is a sweet boy. I’m attempting to raise a  sweet boy with gentleman-like manners, open feelings, warm compassion, & endless amounts of empathy. 

He scooted all the way over to make space for me in his white toddler-sized bed, which used to be Hope’s bed. He’s growing fast… really, really fast. We both shared his pillow. He closed his eyes, as we laid under his dinosaur tent. I placed one arm under his pillow & wrapped my other arm around his little body. I could fell the rise & fall of his chest & hear his  breath, in & out. He reached for my fingers. I felt comforted by the warmth of his small bitty fingers intertwined in mine. Will he always want to hold my hand? I inhaled the scent of his hair & pulled myself a bit closer to his mini body while closing my eyes. 

How blessed I am to be James’ mom & how grateful I feel that the good Lord chose me, of all the moms in the entire world, to be his mother. 

I always stay just long enough for him to fall asleep & do everything in my power to sneak out without waking him. It’s always a challenge. 

On this particular night, I snuck my arm out, then slowly pulled my legs out of the covers. I got one toe on the ground before he noticed & said these words in the sweetest voice ever: “Mom, can you stay… forever?”

“Yes, son, yes I can.” & then I climbed back in. Who can say no to such a sweet little request? & how long will he actually want me to cuddle & snuggle with him? It’s a gift. It’s a Godsend. My heart melted like warm butter upon his words. I got to thinking… how long will he want me to stay longer… to ask to be held? How long will he reach up his bitty arms towards me longing to be held? There is something so sweet about being asked to stay longer. There is something special about a request for more cuddles. 

It’s a gift to be a mother. It’s an honor & a privilege  & a Godsend. There are times that I forget this… moments I want to take a mommy timeout, moments I want to tell my kids I have to pee, but really, I just want to go to the bathroom & hide out & have time alone with me, myself, & I. There are times I want to dig a hole & transport somewhere else… anywhere else. 

It becomes too much sometimes- being pulled here, there, & everywhere. The world always wants a piece of us, a little here, a little there, & the little adds up to a lot & you want to blow up. There are times we are pulled in too many directions, too much of the time, & needed too much, too often, by too many & we become so worn down & so worn out. We’re not sure how we’ll make it through, but we always do. 

We always do because moms are super heroes disguised in yoga pants & worn out tank tops, with thrown up buns on their heads, half brushed teeth, & cold coffee. We are irreplaceable & non duplicatable. We are superheroes dressed to the nines running to work trying to balance tough drop offs, our challenging jobs, meetings, meal prep, pick ups, cooking meals, attempting to schedule social gatherings, & keeping a home in order… all the while trying to make ends meet & raising a contributing member to society. It’s hard work. & not everyone can do it. 

We’re heroes- working endless hours… while working hard to be the very best we can be all the time. We’re doing all of this, much of the time, at the expense of our own dreams, wishes, & preferences being placed on hold. We’re constantly putting our children first & ourselves  second, constantly making sacrifices in the name of our children’s futures, by being an example & modeling the best way to be in the world, to best prepare our kids for the world they will soon be thrown in! Heroes, I tell you, heroes. 

& then we’re struggling to feed the cat, do the dirty dishes, complete the endless cycle of laundry pile ups, cleaning the gross toilet, working to maintain that tight body, shopping  organic, cooking non GMO, getting our caffeine fixes, maintaining  a clean car, signing kids  up for camp, packing lunches with hand-written notes, & braiding our kid’s hair. It’s a whirlwind of delicate balances, lots of do overs, praying for wisdom & guidance, hoping for try agains, lots of asking for forgiveness, requesting help, & the list goes on & on. & yet, we do it & our kids not only survive… they thrive, are successful, wonderful, encouraged, & kind. We rock! We deserve a gosh darn medal! 

There are hard times, moments I get told: you’re mean, you’re not loved, you’re not as kind as daddy, you’re not  liked anymore, or they wish they had a different mommy, but I know what is true & what is real. I know where I am meant to be, what I’m meant to do, & this is it! 

It’s in the moments Hope requests Camp Cozy. Camp Cozy is when I sleep in Hope’s bed or I sleep in a blow  up mattress right next to her bed, pushed right up against hers. CC is when we read a little longer, cuddle a bit more, and girl talk takes place. It’s the moments Hope asks for me to scratch her back a little longer, when she’s nestled up to me for warmth & comfort, that I know I am right where I am meant to be, that this is where I belong. 

Being a mom is a special gift that is unlike any other gift. It is a true blessing and the most amazing thing I’ve ever done & quite possibly the most challenging lifelong feat I’ll ever have. 

There are moments when James says, “I don’t love you anymore.” He says it all because I don’t give him candy at that very moment. There are moments of discomfort, moments for difficult convos, & moments when I laugh out loud at my kids words. There are times I have to be the bad guy because I have to think of my children’s best interest instead of their temporary happiness. 

A mother’s job is not to satisfy their kids in the moment, but rather make choices & decisions that are what is best in the long run. Those choices may feel uncomfortable & be unbearable at times. Our job is to prepare our kids for the world out there, to set them up for success. 

It’s moments when Hope says, “Mom, we have to feed that man, holding the sign on the corner- he’s hot…” that I know I’m doing something right. She’s thinking of others best interest & deciding that there is a world outside of her that matters as much as she does, that the greatest gift is to give to the world. Or the time she said it is cruel to spray for bugs & that every life, no matter how large or small, matters, that convinces me, if even momentarily, that I’m doing something right. Mom win.

& then there are other times when I am taking a warm bath with a vanilla candle & rose petaled bath salts & Hope says… “You don’t NEED to take a bath, Mom!” & then I say, “I’m taking care of myself.” In these moments, I’m teaching Hope that self-care is the very best care. & when I go to the gym & put her in the Kids Club & she does not want to go, I say, “Mommy has to get strong so I can keep up with YOU all the days of your life & have a strong working body for the rest of MY life.” Mom needs to work out. 

I’m teaching her that self-care matters as much as she matters- that each of us matter in the world & no one person is better than the other. Equality is important, including the person looking in the mirror. 

And as I write this, my son longs for attention & me being on my phone is teaching him that my phone matters more than him. & so, by putting my phone away… I teach my son that his words & his being are more important than this rectangular piece of metal & plastic in my hands. 

As for me, I will continue to feel blessed, honored, grateful, & ever so lucky to be mom to Hope & James. I’ll do all I can to compliment more than I criticize, to teach them right from wrong, to guide them to make good choices, & teach them to make the world a better place each & every day.