Create

Once, I was talking to Brian & I was having a hard day with the kids & he asked something I’ll never forget:

“Who are you being for the kids? How are you acting towards them?”

At the time, I wanted to smack him upside the head because I wanted him to provide me with empathy, rather than asking me to reflect on my actions. It’s much easier to blame others, rather than pointing the finger at myself.

Who was I being for our kids? Easy.

I was being an asshole. I was assuming the worst, not being present, & complaining about little itty bitty things that don’t really matter. I was not being compassionate, patient, or kind.

How could I expect my children to be compassionate, patient, & kind if I wasn’t being that for them? Seems very unfair, unrealistic, & hypocritical.

Brian provided more wisdom, “We decide how we want to show up & how we want to walk in each & every door. How will you show up?”

I found that profound. We are not necessarily responsible for someone else’s feelings, but we help create them. If we walk in joyful, patient, compassionate, accepting, & empathetic, our kids will notice & perhaps mimic our way of being. If we walk in unhappy, impatient, uncompassionate, unaccepting, unempathetic, our children will reproduce that way of being, too. So, which is better?

For example, we went to a birthday party the other day & B was anti-social, preoccupied on his phone, & seemingly down. He had a not-so-good time, but had he walked into the party & socialized, put his phone on silent, and chose to be happy, he would’ve had a completely different experience at the party! We talked about it afterwards & he wanted to create a different experience the next day.

On Sunday, we had another kid’s party & before we went in, Brian set an intention.

“Today, I’m going to talk to 4 new people & be more social!”

I set one, too, “I’m going to stay off my phone & make it a point to be sociable, too.”

We fulfilled on our vision & had a wonderful time because we created it. We set intentions & fulfilled on them by being social, present, & happy. You see, we choose what we create our lives to be. It’s up to us.

I got in bed with Hope two nights ago.

“Mom, I had a bad dream last night.”

“Tell me more.”

“A van came & kidnapped us from our house.”

“I’m so sorry you had such a bad dream. Know that our doors & windows are locked & you’re safe.”

“What dream would you like to create for tonight?”

“Well, there are two unicorns & they are playing Uno & they are up in the clouds in Unicornland. & there are rainbows & glitter & they have purple & pink manes & long eyelashes…”

“Tell me more… what does Unicornland land look like?”

“It’s got a lot of clouds, unicorn friends, & laughter &…”

“Sounds like you want to have a dream about unicorns & I wish you the very best dreams ever tonight, sweet girl… I love you.”

I hugged & kissed Hope as I climbed out of her bed praying that her dreams would be good ones. Sure enough, the next day, I got an earful about Unicornland!

On our way to school, we have a ritual.

“Kiddos, what kind of day will you create today?”

Hope, “A fun one…”

Me, “What does that look like?”

And then she’ll describe it.

James, “A nice one, Mama…”

Me, “What does that lol like?”

And then he’ll describe it.

You see, we’re not victims of our lives, we are creators, manifesters, & visionaries. Your day is of your creation. Your life is of your manifestation. Your life is your vision. You create & recreate & create & recreate what you want experiences to be!

Our kids are creators & we are creators, too. & so, I’m responsible for my way of being towards my kids. When I’m being unkind… that affects them. When I’m kind… that affects them.

We almost ran out of gas two days ago- we had one mile to go. God spared us. I wanted to pay it forward. So, we went into the gas station & took out a $20. The cashier broke it into 4 $5 bills.

I held James’ hand & we walked across the street & handed a homeless man $5, walked across another street & handed a woman $5, & then another street & handed a homeless man $5. James outstretched his hand & smiled as he handed the last $5 bill to the homeless man. You see, God blessed us & we decided to create blessings for 4 homeless men & women.

“Mom, I’m hot.”

“I know, Son, I know, but think of how long these people have been outside today- no home, no food, no water, no shelter, etc.”

“Mom, where are their friends?”

“I’m not sure, Doll, but we were their friends just now by blessing them with a way to get something to eat & drink. God blessed us… so we got to bless them.”

Create the life you want. Model how to create for your kids what they want in their lives. You are not a victim. You are a victor & you have the capacity to create your life however you wish.

How will you create your life to be all that it could be? How are you showing up for your kids? Are you being impatient or patient? Are you being kind or unkind? Are you present or distracted? Are you being a good listener or half assing it? Are you allowing them to do things their way or insisting it be your way and controlling the outcome? Are you being a soft place to fall or sharp-tongued?

Think about how you will show up for your kids when they get off the bus, when you wake them up in the a.m., how you will approach them after they’ve spilled something, how you’ll treat them after they are sassy with you, how you’ll be towards them when they interrupt you, etc.

Think about how you want to show up for your children. Write it down.

Here’s my partial list:

1. Truly being Patient – allowing them to do what is asked at a pace that makes sense for them

2. Kind – using a kind tone & approach even when I’m tired

3. Being fully Present – putting my phone down & playing with my kids by getting on their level

4. Space for do overs – when they are sassy… allowing for them to be sassy & then giving them space to try again

5. Unwavering Forgiveness – accepting apologies & always, always forgiving them for poor choices

6. Unconditional Love – being a soft place to fall when they are at their absolute worst & when they are at their absolute best

We choose how we spend our lives. We choose how we we want to live. We model compassion, love, empathy, patience, & more. & there are days I miss the mark, altogether, & forget I am in control of this day the Lord has made. & I openly admit when I’ve forgotten in hopes that my kids will follow suit. & on those days… I recreate my day because I am in control of my way of being & I am responsible for how I show up for myself, my husband, & my kids. & boy do I want to show up as kind, loving, caring, empathetic, & forgiving. I do my best to show up in a positive way in hopes they will learn they are in control of their lives & are responsible for how they show up for themselves, their family, & their friends. & when we mess up, we admit it, & ask to be forgiven, & move on. We try again & again, as each day the sun provides us with another do over. Thank God for each & every day, as our days bless us with new opportunities to do better because when we know better… we do better.

How will you show up today? You are the author & illustrator of your life! How will you create your life?