For All Moms

Dear Moms:

Don’t be fooled by staged photos with perfectly makeup-ed faces, freshly straightened hair, forever smiling children, and fancy ring lights. Guilty as charged, but that ain’t how it always is. Not even close, but that is what we often choose to post on social media. We post what we want people to see and others decide who we are, based on their perceptions of us. They see us through their lens, not ours. Often they don’t match up.

Motherhood is not always rainbows and unicorns. It’s hard work. That pic above is what it looks like MOST of the time in my house. This is what it really looks like. Teething baby. Mascara under my eyes. Cray cray hair. Juggling my planner, coffee, and breakfast.

We often paint a picture that things are just so, hair falls perfectly into place, and kids are sitting ever-so-still doing whatever they are supposed to. Not in my house. Not even close.

It’s a tough mamahood season for our family: sibling rivalry, sassiness, mood swings, uncertainty, boredom, frustration, and looking to me to keep them entertained 24/7 and occupied with endless engaging, preplanned activities. I simply can’t keep up. I am way too hard on myself and I’m going to bet you are, too. Stop it. Let’s just stop it.

My job is to keep my children safe and loved, to prepare them as best I can for independence and success, not to be their friend, servant, and playmate.

I think we need to post more pictures like this. Real. Unbrushed hair, morning breath, pajamas, and my baby girl not so happy. This is real life.

I sorta wish I had stuck with my flip phone and not joined Facebook. Often, I am left feeling less than, behind, or not good enough. I am responsible for my own feelings. It’s just hard. I’m going to bet you struggle, too.

Social media posts can lead to comparison, self- judgement, and feelings of not good enough. Limit your time on social media. Stay in your own lane. Don’t fall down the scroll hole. Be intentional and deliberate. Set a timer. Hard to do, but something we must do to preserve our self-love.

Be grateful for what IS going well in your life, the upside. Write it down every single day. Recognize the ups and downs, but don’t let the downs overtake your day, week, month, year, and life. It is temporary. Notice it and make a list of what you’d like to improve, by identifying actions you CAN take.

As for me, I am grateful for gummy smiles, my other two healthy babes snug in their beds so I can sip my not-so-warm coffee and rock my inflamed-gummed baby to sleep for a nap. The stillness. I am thankful for the stillness and calm of my comforting home, the songbirds outside my window, the warm sunshine, the gift of motherhood, the loud laughter I am definitely going to revel in, my morning meditation, and my amazing husband that told me I was beautiful before his workday started. Not sure where I would be without my B.

Mamas, I see you. You are awesome as you are, right here, right now. Just. Keep. Going. You are slaying it! Let’s straighten each others crowns, shall we?

You are enough on the good days and bad days. You are beautiful with makeup and without makeup. You are pretty with your hair done, just so, or thrown up in a crazy half bun. Kids alive? Check.

You are rockin’ this motherhood gig. Don’t you dare forget it. Not for a single moment. From my heart to yours, I see you. You matter. You rock. Keep on keepin’ on.

With love,

Mel

P.S. Realize that every single time you judge yourself, you are judging others. When you accept others, you are accepting yourself. Read that one more time and please think twice before judging yourself. We’re all doing our very best and that, my friend, is enough.