Perfection is an Illusion

Grace is learning how to eat. She likes to squish it in her hands while smiling, grab the spoon with determination & grit, & mix foods together that are unusual. She loved the mess. She accepts the messiness.  I want to be more like Grace. 

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My life has been messy lately. I don’t like messes. I am not as kind as I used to be. I have been told that more than once, lately. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t sting. 

It’s hard to write, but it’s true. 

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In my attempt to BE perfect at everything  (& failing @ it), I’ve become (at times) the total opposite of how I want to show up for my family, as I’ve been: barky, snappy, bitchy, & unkind.

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The cost of striving for perfection is my unfair projection of my unworthy feelings onto my innocent family. It’s been an expensive price for them to pay. They haven’t gotten the best of me, as I have not been my best for them. 

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I’ll be the first person to say, life is not about perfection, but I’ve been striving for it for far too long. Perfection is an unattainable concept. In the striving, I’ve failed to laugh, be playful, be spontaneous, & have forgotten my funny side. Perfection striving has robbed me of joy and has stolen my adventurous side. 

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Perfection is a lie that doesn’t exist. Perfection is overrated. I surrender & put perfection striving to rest… today. My best is enough. The lesson is in the process of becoming my best self and accepting the mistakes, hiccups, & missteps along the way. 

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Learning from what didn’t work, is as important as learning from what did. At the end of each day, looking  at what went well & what didn’t, is key in becoming a better me. Reflection. Introspection. 

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What if I accepted the messes? What if I didn’t strive for perfection, but rather my personal best? What would happen? I’d be more proactive than reactive. I’d be more gentle with myself & others. Perhaps my son would stop saying how mean I’ve been for 3 straight weeks. My daughter would want to play with me, instead of rolling her eyes. My husband would enjoy my company more. 

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The cost of striving to be perfect, is me acting bitchy, not gentle, not sweet, & unloving. I want to be more kind, more gentle, more sweet, & more loving. I want my husband to enjoy my company and my kids to accept my love and affection. If I WANT  those things, I have to BE those things. I can’t give what  I don’t have. 

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The kitchen counters being cluttered with miscellaneous items does not define me as not good enough. The stacked & undone dishes doesn’t make me a lazy mom. The extra 10 pounds I carry doesn’t make me less pretty. Progress over perfection. Acceptance is the key to be free. It’s hard. 

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What makes me less attractive is my not-so-great way of being with my family as a result of thinking I am not enough. I take my shit out on them because it’s easier to point fingers,  than to look in the mirror. Reflection is key. Introspection matters. 

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Take time to reflect on who you are being,  how you are showing up, & how you are feeling. Be introspective and reflective. Change course when needed. Don’t be afraid of the messes… learn from them. Learn, grow, & throw perfection out the window! 

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In the meantime, I’m going to strive to be more like Grace.