Celebrate Who the F You Are!

My empath of a son told me someone made fun of him because he missed a shot while playing basketball at recess. Instead of continuing to play, he walked away from the court. He quit. The words of that hellion made my son walk away from the sport he loves with his whole being. After he told me this happened, I immediately looked up how many shots Michael Jordan missed in the span of his entire career: 14, 654. When I shared this stat with James, his eyes got really big and he smiled. My hubby read him this quote:

“I’ve missed over 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost over 300 games. 26 times, I have been trusted to take the winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over again. and that is why I succeed.” Michael Jordan

James’ eyes widened all over again. We taught him this saying: “I am rubber and you’re glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.”

My hope is my children won’t stop doing what they love because of what someone says. I pray they know, without a shadow of a doubt, who they are.

Years ago, Hope bought a sweatshirt from the zoo that she really loved. It had a mama giraffe and a baby giraffe on it. A hellion at school made fun of it. She came home from school, hung it up in her closet, and decided she would no longer wear that top. She created a story that her being herself was not ‘right’ and she had to do whatever it took to fit in (a.k.a. abandon herself). She had to find clothes that were ‘approved’ by that hellion to fit in. She started losing sleep worrying she would wear the wrong thing and get made fun of again. To Target we’d go, she’d play trial and error and wear what she thought was the ‘right’ thing to wear to get the check of approval. It’s been very tough on all of us. Tweens can be very mean.

Fast forward a few days ago, she put on a pair of super cute, hip bell bottoms and was ready to hop in the van for school. She looked down and shook her head. She ran to her room and put on a pair of different pants. “Mom, those bell bottoms were so not me, so… I’m not wearing them!” My insides were very happy she realized her opinion mattered more than others. The very best thing she could ever do is to be herself, unapologetically, to stop trying to fit into someone else’s vision of what they think she should be, and to listen to the voice inside that is Hope. All this time she’s been stressing over fitting in and all the while, she’s been abandoning the most beautiful parts of herself to fit into a mold she thinks she outta be. I bought her a journal and told her to write down all the things that make her Hope and to do more of those things. She rolled her eyes, but did start journaling. All I can do is suggest in hopes something I say sinks in.

Many times in my life, I’ve tried to contort myself to be someone I thought others wanted me to be, to be noticed, to matter, to have relevance, and to be important. What we really outta do is be more of who we are, do what sets our soul on fire, and live into the truth without worrying so much what others will think.

Yesterday was a a no good, very bad day. I caught myself comparing, objecting, hating, and berating. It was also a hard day because I missed my mom. I wanted to curl up in a ball and sleep the day away. I forgot who I was. I forgot that I was whole, perfect, and complete as I was. I forgot that I was a 5. I forgot I was a child of God and God makes no mistakes. I forgot that the perfect gal at the gym, you know the one… with the perfect body also struggles too and she has story as I do. I forgot how detrimental the comparison trap can be. I started crying… hard.

Through the tears, I called my life coach, my ally, my friend, my light. We came up with a plan. I would no longer skip taking my much needed medication. I would start to make a gratitude list, journal daily, exercise regularly (without comparing my body to that of others), and make a running list of all I am proud of. I opened my blank journal and got to work. I decided to make a list of all the accomplishments in my life. My pen was on fire as I wrote: living breathing miracle, high school graduate, college graduate, graduate school graduate, teacher for 9 years, mother of 3 healthy children, caretaker to my beloved mother, rescued my cat from Halo shelter, Children International sponsor of two children from Honduras, badass cook, etc.

Have you ever done that? Written down a list of all the things you’ve done that you are proud of? It changes everything. And when you forget who the f you are, you can go back and reread it to remind yourself of how much of a badass you are. I’m a warrior and so are you. We have to talk more about what makes us badasses and less about why we don’t ‘measure up.’

What if we spent time loving on ourselves, applauding ourselves, listing our accomplishments, listing what we are grateful for, meditating, waking up before everyone else and writing our dreams, visualizing our day, reminding ourselves of our uniqueness, and reminding ourselves of the miracle we are? We live in this incredible body of ours and we’ve all been equipped with an endless amount of special gifts inside. Why don’t we focus on the gifts instead of the faults? How would our lives shift? What if we decided to be victorious instead of playing the victim card?

If God designed us whole, perfect, and complete, aren’t we meant to celebrate? When we don’t make ourselves a big deal, when we cut ourselves down, when we spend time wishing we were someone else, isn’t that like a f-you to God, our Creator? We have to start loving ourselves more. What can you do to make this a daily practice?

By golly, stop allowing one person’s comment to change how you feel on the inside. Stop it! People are going to say what they’re going to say and you are going to have to put your hand over your heart, close your eyes, and ask yourself: is their comment in alignment with your truth. Remember where you’ve been, what you’ve done, and what you’ve overcome. You are a living, breathing miracle. Love you for you. Strive to be the best version of you and be you. Not everyone is for you, but that’s ok. You’ll find your people and they will find you. Until then, be your own best friend, be your number one fan.

And if not a single person has told you today: I love you.