binoculars & boys

Grace chose binoculars as her treat at the zoo gift shop. She placed them around her neck, her brown eyes widened with excitement over the newly purchased tiger-striped toy.

She looked through them and began to list her observations as we passed them. I continued to push the black and pink stroller uphill towards my car. Naturally, she flipped the binoculars to the other side.

“Sissy, you look small.” she giggled.

She looked amused switching between viewing the world through both ends. After she’d spent quite a while viewing her world through the smaller holes, I reached down to place them over her eyes the ‘right’ way. I stopped myself.

How many times have we attempted to shift another’s point of view in an unsolicited way? It got me thinking about angles and perspectives and bird’s eye views and filters and how we see the world in which we live.

Who had defined the right and wrong way to look through binoculars in the first place? We see things from a wide angle, a broader perspective and we see things from a narrow angle, a focused perspective (much in between.) Both provide a vision of our world through our own two eyes, unlike anyone else’s. No two people will see the exact same situation the same way. I’m speaking from experience.

It got me thinking about a particular situation. I walked faster, my hands gripped the stroller handles a little tighter.

My side was profoundly different than his; his side was practically unrecognizable to me. I thought I was in the twilight zone (various times) or being punked.

I got hurt because I was certain he cared far more and was way more into me than harsh reality had revealed. (I’ve been through this far more times than I’d like to admit.) How does this always happen to me, like some sort of sick cycle I’ve yet to figure out how to stop?

I sat tear-stained, scattered sharp broken pieces of my heart upon my lap. He’d ghosted me, again. How do I navigate my lost self back to feeling whole, perfect, and complete, without any explanation as to why he’d led me in a direction he was never going to in the first place? He’d rev me up just to let me go. He’d get me all wrapped around him and then disappear, was this some sort of sick turn on?

(I was now dealing with another heartbreak far too close to my divorce, a wound I’ll most likely be getting over for the rest of my life.)

I was left with a f-ing mess to clean up and had not a clue how to find footing back to my whole self again. I’d been yanked this way and yanked that way for months, only to be told I too much, had fallen too fast, and was too aggressive (and was told I was NOT worth visiting in person.)

Who knew being transparent and honest would get me into so much trouble? All along I was being my authentic self and he wasn’t ever going to give me a chance because, from his view, I was too much, had fallen too fast, at a speed he could never keep up with. Instead of choosing to communicate like a f-ing adult, he ghosted me (coward), and left we with a broken heart (lame). All could have been prevented (duh) had he shared his point of view from the beginning (not rocket science.) His perspective mentioned early on, through his lens, would have saved me tears, confusion, feelings of indifference, and self-loathing.

I’ve heard there are 3 sides to every story: my side, his side, and the truth. I call bullshit. I suspect there more sides, perhaps more than we can count. Your side is the only one that matters because it is your reality and unique to you. And we have to accept the reality of others and that, my friends, may not leave us unscathed.

Instead of trying to change someone’s point of view, sway them to see it your way, how about we accept and move on?

I’m guilty of trying too hard to get people to see my perspective, but maybe I should let them think the way they think. It’s not my job to change others’ views, to right fight my way through the conversation, or (in this case) to convince you I’m the best candidate to date (clearly you’re just not that into me.)

My job is to stand firm in my decisions, to honor my truth, to protect my soul, to stand by my choices, and my views. I stand firm in my truth and choose to lean into what feels good and walk away from what does not. I choose to turn away from what no longer serves me and stand still with what does.

Next time someone turns their binoculars ‘upside’ down to see things from a different vantage point, let them.

Let them get it wrong

Let them think you aren’t worth it

Let them assume

Let them predict

Let them be scared

Let them ignore you

Let them judge you

Let them ghost you

Let them walk away (don’t let the door hit ya on the way out)

Trust me (speaking from personal experience) if someone is for you, you’ll absolutely positively know it and you will feel it with every fiber of your being (in your bones.) It will feel good, so right, so freaking easy, so free, and you won’t be left with feeling as though you are falling without support of a net to catch your fall.

In fact, you’ll know exactly where you stand and will have a soft place to land. It will outweigh the hurt you’ve experienced. Maybe the pain had to happen to land you into the arms of someone better designed for you: your special person, ONE you absolutely deserve to be with, ONE tailor-made for you, ONE that IS better than you ever could have imagined in your wildest dreams. You’ll be happy, excited, and tickled pink every day. So don’t get too hung up on the pain, but rather focus on the possibilities in front of you.

From my view, life is looking pretty good these days. I like what I see through my binoculars, what will you see? If you don’t like what you see, turn those babies the other way, change your view, flip things around, and see beauty from a different perspective, because life (as I know it) is beautiful.