The Joy Thief: Ending the Comparison Trap

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

It is a tagline or something we hear. It is a phrase we share or a quote we use to cheer a friend up. Regardless, it is very much true.

It’s the quickest way to feel as if life has been vacuumed out of us, like a balloon full of promise, soaring high & in an instant, after being cut open (the comparing,) it’s depleted, plummeting to the ground at full speed (your self-esteem.)

I crave validation and, even with others’ reassurance, I struggle. I don’t believe them. I think they’re lying to console me. They want to appease me and put my worries to rest. Are they pacifying me? Why don’t I believe them?

I tell myself to grow up and just love myself the way I already am. Maybe the solution is to start a badass list. Every time I discover a good quality about myself, I record it in a place that is easily accessible. Is this something you could try too?

I am not referring to a list of accomplishments or degrees. This shall be a list of what you find inside of you that makes you… you!

Skinnier, smarter, more beautiful, and more accomplished will always exist, but that’s the way life goes. What are the talents, gifts, skill sets, and attributes unique to your DNA? Make the list. Read the list. Reread it daily until it is ingrained in your memory, you can recite it back without looking.

Do you put people on pedestals? I do, but don’t place myself on one. I can’t find a reason to lately. Why is it so easy to find the good in others? I can spot beautiful badassery easily around me. But when I look in the mirror, I see a woman that struggles to keep it together. It shows all over my face. I see lines, wrinkles, my widow’s peak, and acne scars. I need to pivot. I must recognize those lines are proof I’ve lived a life full of happiness. So far, my life has been joyous and full of adventure. Lines exist becauseqqq6 I’ve lived, on purpose. They represent ups and downs & go-rounds of my greatest joys & my darkest despairs. You can’t see the light without the dark. Let’s make a deal: look in the mirror & see yourself the way your loved ones see you. Can you be your own best friend? Can you speak to yourself the way you would a small child? Can you give your inner-child the love they deserve? Do this without trying so hard to prove it every second of every day. You don’t have to prove it. Just live as best you can. We are responsible for our thoughts. I give others way too much credit by amplifying their good. Maybe I can start focusing on myself. I need to look for the good and amplify it within. I’ll edify and look inward. I can let others be their beautiful selves without cutting myself down at the same time. Can’t we both be pretty, successful, etcetera at the same time? There is enough room for us both. Stop comparing – it’s a trap. It will rip your heart out. Are you ripping your own heart out? Are you causing your own pain? Stop choosing comparison. Start complimenting yourself. Fill your cup, light your own flame, create your own pedestal.

I am enough.

You are enough.

We are enough.