What Sets Your Soul on Fire?

Are you doing something someone said you’d be good at? I started my beauty business with good intentions: to instill confidence in others through the use of badass makeup products. Then, it turned into a chore. I got caught up in ranking. I made rank matter more than instilling confidence. I lost my passion. I quit because selling makeup no longer blew my skirt up. (my dad’s saying)

Are you doing something you loathe? I was. I hired a “coach” to assist in getting my book written and published for real. It was my most vulnerable material; some of the best writing I’ve ever done. Instead of getting what I really wanted, I allowed myself to be swayed way off course via becoming a transformational leadership coach. Apparently, that was a better course of action than being a published writer (what really set my soul ablaze). I was leading the life he wanted me to lead, all the while abandoning my own sacred path. It took me a year to realize the life I was leading was ions away from the life I wanted (one of significance). After being emotionally tormented for quitting, I ran (not walked) away a very upset person, with 10K less in my pocket. How did I get so off course? As for my book, my most treasured writing, it never got published. I’m pretty sure he didn’t even read it. Never again.

Do you enjoy how you spend your time? I wasn’t and haven’t (at times). As a beauty influencer, I befriended people on social media I didn’t even know with the intentions of getting exposure, a boost in my business. I believed those comments from complete strangers were heartfelt, but it felt ingenuine. It started to feel fake to me, like I was living for the ‘likes,’ the adoring comments, the impressionable compliments, and it felt good, until it didn’t. When people said nothing, I equated that with not good enough. I personalized it all. I put Facebook in front of my children. I said my family was number one, but I wasn’t living that in real life. I forgot who I was. I didn’t like it anymore. I didn’t like the woman in the mirror. It became an addiction: the verifying, the approving, the replying, the adoration from individuals I didn’t even know, the fan base, the hearts, the likes, and the admiration. I took more selfie’s than pictures of my ever-growing children. I didn’t hear the ‘look-ma’s,” my phone became an appendage, and my family gravely suffered. Social media can be dangerous & a very slippery slope. At least it was… for me.

I was going through the motions. I wasn’t happy most of the time. I’ve been chasing a ghost for years thinking the next thing will do the trick and make me fulfilled. It’s only made me feel emptier. Doing less is actually more. Our society celebrates being busy, getting the never-ending to-do lists complete. It’s killing us. I am aiming to do less, be present more, and choosing my heart over others opinions.

What sets your soul on fire?

What keeps you up at night?

What gets you out of bed?

What brings you joy?

What do you love doing so much you forget time exists?

I wanna mix acrylic paints together & make colors that haven’t been invented yet. I wanna fill blank canvases with all the beauty that I see in my imagination! I wanna throw the football with James until my arm hurts. I want to lose my phone, turn off the notifications, & look my kids in the eyes. I wanna cut apart boxes, collage, and recreate logos with Hope. I want to write until my fingers are numb.

If I’m not creating, I’m not living. I foolishly put my paints in the back of the garage & they’ve been there for way too long. I forgot what brought me joy. I allowed myself to be pulled, nudged, tugged, & convinced I needed to make money to matter, to make a difference, and to be good enough. I naively convinced myself the only way to matter at all was to rank in my business. I lost sight of what mattered most: impact and presence.

Some will read this and shake their heads… because all along, they had a knowing they were enough because they were born & raised to believe in themselves. I envy those people. I’ve been looking for proof for years and making myself miserable in the process. Have you been doing this, too?

When you live on purpose, do what you love, love what you do, follow your gut, honor your soul, & do what you really love… that is the sweet spot and everything else will fall into place (the money will follow). From now on, I’m doing me for me. No longer will I look to the outside to know how to feel on the inside. That shit stops right now. Will you do the same? God I sure hope so.

Perhaps the worst thing we can do is to do something for someone else to notice, to neglect our inner-child that knows us so well.

All we have is today. How will you live your best life? All we have is right now. Are you living how you wish to live? How we spend our time matters. Do you spend time doing things you want to do?

My wish for you: to never abandon your heart, not to quit dreaming because someone said it was ‘too small,’ that you see your loved ones, really SEE them, and soak them in as much as you can. Be present.

I’ll leave you with these to ponder:

“People will not remember what you said; they will remember how you made them feel.” Unknown

“I want to have lived having complimented more than criticized.” Brene Brown

“This is important! And this is important! And this is important! You need to worry about this! And this! And this!” And each day, it’s up to you to yank your hand back, put it on your heart and say, “No. This is what’s important.” Unknown
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